Today was the first official all-day first day of school. Emily came home with her agenda - very excited about the new SUPER COOL format that the older grades get to use. Today reminded me of whenever I have headed back to school and all the things I loved about it....the smell of new binders, the sound of pencil crayons as they are being sharpened, the feeling of hope and renewed purpose I'd always feel - "THIS year I will be organized and stay on top of things" was always my motto. There was just something about knowing that the coming months were totally unwritten and I had the power to write on the pages of them anything I wanted. Of course when I was the ages my kids are now, I thought far simpler thoughts. Things more along the lines of "I hope I have the coolest pencil case" or "I wonder if anyone else got the set of 64 Crayola Crayons with the built-in sharpener?" I was always really anal about things too...I'd show up to school with all my pencil crayons and crayons in rainbow order....meticulously laid out and organized! Who am I kidding? I still would do that....if I had pencil crayons or crayons!!!
Going back to the idea of the new pages upon which to write things....I love this idea. It's really quite powerful when you think about it. Each day, when I get up, I have a new opportunity to change my world, to alter the course of my life, to affect change in the lives around me. No matter what happened yesterday, TODAY is totally unwritten and I am not required to repeat any of the mistakes I made yesterday. I can start over fresh and new every morning. In some ways this could be quite intimidating though...an endless parade of days marching before me totally void of anything written on their pages until I arrive there. The enormity of that task could be quite overwhelming. But thankfully it doesn't have to be. I don't have to worry about the details of those days to come....God already knows each and every day ordained for me and what those days will hold for me.
Right now I am at a point where I have no idea what is going to happen with my life or where things are going. I don't feel like I am a totally blank slate however there are certain areas of my life that I really cannot even begin to formulate a picture of what might be...let alone what WILL be. Two major areas come to mind as I type this....the first one being my finances - I am working on these but I really don't know how God is going to provide all the needs of my family. The other area is, of course, my love life! It's odd really...but I have had to stand with hands opened and an attitude of "Here is my heart, my hopes, my dreams, Lord. I am giving them to you. I trust you to grant me the desires of my heart....in the way, shape and form you deem best." Certainly isn't easy...I know I am going to have to do this over and over. And while I can express what my picture of how that all looks, I have to be willing to accept that my picture and God's picture may not be exactly the same. And that is okay...I think....
"All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139:16
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you
the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
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