Wow! I'm a Grown-Up!

I was reading the latest edition of "Real Simple" magazine and in it the question was asked "When did you first realize that you had become a grown-up?"

I don't really know when I became a grown-up. Some would say it was when I started to be responsible for paying my own bills, things like rent, food, phone. Others may argue that until one has that first serious relationship, you know, the "we're getting married" or "moving in together" relationship...once you've gotten there you are a grown-up. Others may say it's when you buy your first new car, not "new-to-you" car. Or you bring baby home from the hospital. And I don't disagree. However, I think the realization that I was a grown-up was a slow process, one with various points along the way that opened my eyes to that fact.

Growing up I always knew that one day I would be just that, GROWN UP. We've all been asked the question as children "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and for many years past the time when that question was being asked of me by others, I was asking myself. I couldn't answer it. I thought various things might be interesting, but nothing really gripped me. But how can you know what you want to BE when you grow up if you don't know who you ARE?

I've gotten older, traveled, lived in various places with and without roommates, or family. Met and married someone I thought was "the one", had my children, bought the new car, set up house, bought a house, had my heart broken, learned some tough life lessons, lived through the ending of my marriage, sold the house, moved in with my parents and at 31 felt like anything but a grown-up. In fact, in many ways, I felt like I had "gone backwards" in time and returned to a child-like state. And while I needed to be there for that time, it did start me down the road to truly feeling, and being, grown up.

Thinking on the question "when did you first realize you had become a grown-up?" brings to mind that first moment that the idea of that began to glimmer in my mind. As I drove onto the lot of the Toyota dealership, with my children, to look at what they might have...which led to a test drive...a couple of days later I was sitting in front of the leasing agent, signing papers for a car that was, for the first time in my entire life, TOTALLY MINE! I found it, decided on the details of what I wanted in that car on my own. I drove off that lot in my brand-new car (15 Kms on it!) and for the first time started to think I just might be growing up after all.

A couple of months later I was looking for a place to live. I found one, handed over my damage deposit and first rent, got my keys and the kids & I headed over to see the place knowing it was really ours. Honestly, it's nothing to shake a stick at...a basic apartment. But as I stood in that empty living room for the first time with MY name on the lease, it hit me. At the age of 32 I had, for the first time, a place of my very own that I was fully responsible for. No husband, no roommates, no other adults to share it with. Yes my children were there with me and it was their home as well, but it all rested on my shoulders to make happen. I could decorate as I wanted, make a mess or tidy it up as I felt like...every decision was mine to make. I stood in that empty room and all I could do was say "WOAH...I am really growing up!"

But the day I really felt grown up? The day I realized my daughter was growing up. I knew it was happening but I guess part of me figured I'd feel older before she'd actually BE older. And yet one morning I woke up, just a couple months ago, and there she was...no longer a child. Or rather, a child very quickly turning into a young lady. And as we walked into the store to make our first "adult" purchase for her (a bra) I couldn't stop looking at her with wonder. Was it really possible that I could be the mother of a beautiful girl/woman already? Wasn't it just yesterday that she was a tiny little baby girl in my arms? For that matter, wasn't it just yesterday that I got MY first bra??!!!

And so I can't say I had ONE moment in time that had me realizing I was a grown-up. But for me it was better that way. I can't imagine not feeling like an adult, or at least not realizing it at all, and then BOOM! One morning waking up and finding life had snuck up on me! YIKES!! I would have had a hard time with that. Instead I was given tiny little bites...and I was able to digest the idea slowly. Having realized it, I must say there is great freedom in it. I know who I am and what I like and there is no need to apologize for that. I know what I am passionate about and what I am not and I am actively pursuing those things. It's an exciting time! So yes, it might have taken some time for me to get here, but now that I am, I am so glad the journey went the way it did and that the days to come have so much potential.

Ahhh....Here's to being an ADULT!