Laughter...really is great medicine!!

I have to confess. I was feeling rather down today and a bit "poor me". I don't succumb to those thoughts and feelings often but today I sure did. The predominant thought was "Will I EVER find someone to share my absolutely fabulous life with???" And was wondering how it is that people who are such total disasters manage to find someone to love them??

I really love my life...and am still getting used to the fact that for the first time in my life I don't have any issues with being alone (whether in terms of being single or spending time with just me). However that doesn't lessen the desire to have someone special in my life. And for some reason that desire was especially acute the last few days. I can't explain why it is more pronounced on some days rather than others. But it is a feeling that was building for a few days....

I drove to Edmonton by myself this last weekend and I realized a few days prior that I had NEVER EVER taken a trip over 3 hours completely by myself! Yes, I've driven the road(s) between Kamloops and Fort McMurray, Kamloops & Peace River, NUMEROUS (translation: countless) times, but never ever completely by myself. I always had at least 1 kid with me. This was a new experience and one that I wasn't sure I'd like. However, I hadn't gotten very far down the road before I was really wishing I had a digital recorder to record my thoughts (it's rather difficult to write when one is driving 130+ kms/hour down the highway!). I had a FABULOUS time!!!! I LOVE ROAD TRIPS BY MYSELF!!!!! It really was a great experience.

As I drove towards Edmonton I received a call from a friend who isn't normally in Edmonton (lives north) but was there for the weekend and I arranged to meet up with her. I love her dearly and was super excited to see her. But when I did, it was awkward, strange. I don't know if I was just tired or what but when I sat in that living room with her, I felt like I was coming face to face with who I used to be...and I hardly recognized that person anymore. It was weird. I knew before that afternoon that I had come a very long way from the place I used to be, mentally, emotionally, but this was the first time that the old me and the new me really faced off. I am not saying my friend was me in the past, she isn't at all. However, I met her and we were especially close during those dark days a couple years before, and the days shortly after, I left Bill. And it was in those moments that I started to feel rather lost in ways. A connection I once had seemed to be no more...and I started to realize that I missed being connected in a special way to someone.

And that is when the feeling mentioned above started. It grew over the last few days until it hit its' climax this afternoon, early evening. I was feeling pretty down tonight for a few reasons - the "will I ever find someone" feeling as well as the fact that Isaac was being horrid. I was having a hard time. But between a friend's facebook status and talking with another friend, I ended up laughing so hard tonight that tears were streaming down my cheeks. I laughed so hard I was having a hard time breating even!! And ya know what? Now I feel GREAT! Tonight laughter really was the medicine I needed!!!

To those of you who made me laugh: THANK YOU!!! And I love you!!