A lesson in Trust

It's amazing how much we take sleep for granted...until we can't sleep.

Last night I had the privilege of wrestling with some heart issues - not the physical kind but the inner/spiritual kind. Since I lost my job on April 15, 2009, I've felt God on more than one occasion challenging me to give it all to Him and trusting Him with every aspect of my life. This is something I have a hard time...trusting and obeying. Bottom line it comes down to self-reliance. Ironically that was what the message was on at church yesterday. Relying on God as opposed to ourselves...the ultimate humbling experience. One idea that Larry touched on was the idea that it's only when we let go and take ourselves off the throne of self-appointed self-reliance can God lift us up. We must come down to go up.

It was a result of this thought that I was awake still at 4:00 a.m. A little while back there was a message preached on the 10 Commandments, specifically the one about having no other gods but God. Combining that with self-reliance and events of the weekend and I was hit once again by the truth that I was placing someone in God's place. And I was not trusting God to meet all of my needs. The result of that realization is choice. "Choose this day whom you will serve." I choose to serve God above all others and to trust him for everything. SO how can I not trust him in this area as well?

And here is where the hard part comes in...in order to trust God completely to meet my need for companionship, and to rid myself of those things He has shown me I am putting ahead of Him, I have to separate myself from those things or that person. In many ways this breaks my heart...walking away from a friendship to follow what I know is God's leading...while it should be "easy", it's not. But again this is where the self-reliance and lack of trust has come in to play. To have that conversation and then walk away leaves a big hole in my life....or so it seems. Being the person I am, I also know that this is going to cause pain for someone else and that is so hard for me.

BUT I AM STANDING ON THE PROMISES OF MY GOD AND SAVIOR. He has promised that if we do as He requires, He will meet all our needs according to His Glorious Riches in Christ Jesus. And so, just as I am trusting Him to meet my financial needs (so much easier to trust Him with that!), I am also trusting Him with my emotional needs, my need for companionship. And stepping out in faith. Lord, all I see is a black hole of emptiness....fill it even as I remove those persons from my life that I have placed in front of you. Forgive me for my foolishness....heal my heart as it breaks in this process. Thank you for being so faithful despite my lack of faith.