Reflections on Being Stuck

STUCK - the inability to move in any direction. Often when we think of this we think of inanimate objects, such as this tractor, mired deep in something that prevents them from getting out without help. However, this word was used yesterday by a friend to describe their position in life. They are stuck. And I have to say, this worries me.
When we are stuck we lack the tools to help ourselves and it is only be reaching out and asking for help are we able to become unstuck, to move once more. The person that drove this tractor into this field had no idea what they were in for when they did so, it was unexpected and rather sudden, I am guessing. And that person was left with a choice: To get out and go for help, seeking out others with the tools, the strength, the capabilities to help them OR stay stuck. It's a fairly simple decision when you look at this picture...a piece of equipment worth thousands of dollars...you're going to go and get help. More than likely there will be some swallowing of pride required; let's face it, you aren't going to find anyone who will help with this situation with a fair amount of teasing and good-natured jokes aimed your way. But despite the possibility for embarrassment and the likelihood of being the butt of jokes for a long while, you wouldn't leave that machine out there.

So why is it, when we as human beings find ourselves stuck in the emotional quagmire that our lives can become so easily, do we so often fail to reach out for the help we need to get out? Why do we insist on spinning our wheels in one place, as this farmer most likely did at first, until we are so deeply mired in muck we can hardly breathe? It's simple really. It's fear. Fear of the pain that may come, will come, when the emotional wounds we have allowed to fester and remain unhealed, are cleaned out and given a chance to heal. Fear of failure...it's a slow process and one that involves making mistakes. Fear of what others may think of us - this one has me shaking my head the most because honestly, anyone who thinks LESS of us for admitting that we need help, has some serious issues of their own. And yet we allow the opinions of those people hold us back. Fear of the unknown.

One thing I have realized in the last few hours is that when a person is stuck, when they KNOW they are stuck, they have to want to become unstuck in order for any movement to happen. You can't push or pull them out of that spot. No amount of begging will work. A stuck person, for whatever reason, is going to stay stuck until they truly want to live a life of freedom again. And that is really sad. They would rather live their lives, mired in the muck of their issues, than seek out the help that is just a phone call away. The saddest part of all that is when they KNOW they are stuck, they have acknowledged they don't know how to get out by themselves, and yet they still do nothing. I honestly can't imagine living my life stuck in the muck.

What worries me most about this is that we cannot begin to help others through the muck of their lives until we get through our own. Until we can ask for the help we need, and until we move beyond where we are, we cannot begin to help others move beyond where they are. And when others watch us, day after day, living our lives stuck like that, letting opportunities and happiness pass us by, we teach them that this is all there is. It really is the blind leading the blind, around and around and around in the same old mess as always.

I spent many years stuck. Stuck in an emotional place that had me thinking I wasn't worth very much. Stuck in an abusive relationship because I was too afraid to step out from my comfort zone and into a world of the unknown. And so I stayed mired, unable to fly, unable to grow, unable to experience joy. But one day I looked up and, like a bird, I saw others flying, soaring, and I knew I couldn't stay stuck any longer. I couldn't help my children become unstuck until I got myself out of the mud. But I couldn't do it alone. In order to break the cycle of wheel spinning that was going on, of being stuck, I had to reach out and ask for help. It was when I did that, a very simple act, that I felt my feet loosen and the mud begin to fall away.

Getting stuck was fairly easy. It started slowly...a tiny little slip in the mud...but before I knew it I was unable to move. Getting out wasn't quite so easy...it took determination, hard work, tears. I had moments when I could see and feel progress being made only to slip back again. Time and again this happened but with each attempt I made it out further as the hold the past had on me loosened. I have learned that three steps forward and two steps back, while extremely frustrating at times, is still progress. And better slow progress than no progress at all.

Isaiah 40:28 - 31 -
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and no grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Asking for help is scary. Letting go of those things that are familiar, even if harmful, is not easy. Acknowledging that we cannot control or make sense of everything ourselves and accepting that requires faith. Stepping out when we have no idea where the path may lead is downright madness. But it is only in doing these things that we are able to truly live.

TODAY I CHOOSE LIFE. I choose to continually go through the process of become unstuck in order to live my life free from the muck and mire. What do you choose? And choose you must.